THE DARKEST HOUR IS JUST BEFORE DAWN

Dawn

(Photo courtesy of J. Tria)

In an attempt to cheer up and brighten the day of a friend who was feeling depressed, I sent her some inspiring words and at the end of my short message wrote, "...the darkest hour is just before dawn."

She quickly responded and asked me to explain what that meant.

During one of the bleakest periods in my life when I felt so all alone, hopeless and helpless and had to exert a real effort to carry on, I made a poster with uplifting words "...the darkest hour is just before dawn" which I excerpted from a song of the American folk-rock vocal group, The Mamas and the Papas.

I hung the poster on a conspicuous place in my room that will serve as reminder to me that sooner or later, things will change and get better. That kept me in perspective and gave me hope to carry on.

Okay, let's explain what that means. 

"...The darkest hour is just before dawn."

First, what is dawn?

The dictionary defines dawn as, "the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise." 

What is dawn in Tagalog?

"Madaling araw. Or bukang liwayway."

Iyon yung nagsisimulang lumiwanag ang kalangitan pagkatapos ng napakadilim na hatinggabi. 

Take note, maliwanag kapag umaga. Sa katanghaliang tapat ang pinakamaliwanag sapagkat dito pinakamatindi ang sikat ng araw. Sa hapon, unti-unting nagpe-fade ang liwanag, lalo na sa dapit-hapon o takipsilim (twilight or dusk), hanggang gumabi kung saan dumilim na at wala nang liwanag. At habang paggabi nang paggabi, lalong nagiging pusikit (matingkad na dilim, napakadilim) ang kadiliman. At ang pinakamatingkad na kadiliman ay hatinggabi or midnight. That is the darkest hour. 

Now, ano ang susunod sa hatinggabi? May mas didilim pa ba sa midnight e yun na nga ang darkest?

Technically, after the darkest hour, magliliwanag nang muli. That is what we call dawn.

And the dawn naturally comes just after the darkest part of night.

Yes, the darkest hour is just before dawn. 

Let's find a parallel in life. 

Darkest hour implies negativity. Ito yung mga matinding pains, sufferings, hopelessness. This is a life situation where not only are you being oppressed and harasssed kundi maaaring may mga physical affictions din and, worse, spiritually low. Kadalasan, during trying times like this, it's hard to find someone with whom you can unburden yourself emotionally... when it's difficult to see things in the right perspective. It is the time where your faith in God is shaken and when you even blasphemously question if there really is God. If He really exists.

But dawn implies the reverse of that. Positive ito. It signifies hope. The dawn is an end to miseries and sufferings as it indicates change - a change for the better. 

Take this. When I had my nervous breakdown as a consequence of a series of traumatic events in my life, I sought professional help. I thought then that seeing a psychiatrist would instantly cure me. But I was mistaken. I started seeing my doctor March of 1980. During that difficult time, 24/7 akong nagdurusa, pain was all over me. Seven days a week. 

Isang taon na, ganoon pa rin ang aking situation.

Dalawang taon na, walang pagbabago. 

Tatlong taon na nagdurusa pa rin ako. At nalimutan ko na kung ano ba ang maginhawang pakiramdam. Hindi ko na matandaan. Of course, napag-aaralan ko naman ang possible reasons what brought me to my sorry state. I was feeling so hopeless that I felt I didn't want to live anymore. The trouble is I was afraid to die. I have no suicidal tendency. Despite emotional turmoil and mental torment, however, it was really a great wonder how I could still decide rationally. Mabait pa rin ako. Napakamapagtiis. And very prayerful. I held on to my faith. 

And on the fourth year of my agony, that was 1984, which seemed to be the darkest, God took me by the hand and rescued me. Basta na lang ako nagulat, nalimutan ko na pala ang pag-inom ng mga tranquilizers ko - five all in all.

When I consulted with my psychiatrist again, tuwang-tuwa siya. That meant pala, magaling na ako. I was almost euphoric. And I had tears of joy.

Nagliwanag muli ang aking araw. After four long and agonizing years, noon lamang ako muling nakadama ng magandang pakiramdam. Hindi ko inakalang makakaranas pa akong muli ng ginhawa ng pakiramdam. 

Kahit hirap na hirap na ako noon, patuloy akong gumawa ng kabutihan. Ang house and lot namin na lubhang napakabigat na obligasyon na iniatang sa aking balikat ay naipundar ko at the height of my severe emotional turmoil and mental torment.

Dawn signifies hope. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, let us not lose hope. Nothing is permanent. Things will get better. 

Or take the case of the pandemic. Hindi ba't everyone was feeling insecure, depressed and hopeless? Everyone was anxious and afraid especially when no cure had been found yet. But God saw the sufferings of His people. And He drove away the dark clouds that veiled the night. Then a cure for covid was eventually discovered. At lumiwanag muli ang dilim ng gabi.

Ganun. 

When you find yourself in a hopeless situation and you feel as though your world is coming to an end, hang on! It might as well be "just a bend... not the end". 

If it's the end, it might as well be the end of your miseries and sufferings. You are in the darkest of hours. And the dawn is coming! Rejoice!

SEEING WITH THE EYES OF FAITH

Gaudz sees with eyes of faith

Have you ever encountered a life situation that is somewhat mysterious? An experience raising a question that seems to have no answer?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you pinned  your hope only on your Faith in God? 

A VERY TRYING TIME 

Last April 2022, I brought my younger brother to the Dr. Paulino J. Garcia Memorial Research and Medical Center (PJG) in Cabanatuan City for medical attention. He had many health issues. 

He had high blood sugar. He was anemic. His hemoglobin was low. He had urinary tract infection (UTI). His blood pressure was 90/60. 

Due to the above condition, he collapsed a number of times hitting his head on the ground.

What alarmed me most was his not being able to move his body, could not eat and had to be personally attended to in every activity he had to do. 

Laboratory tests were done and results of the CT scan showed there was bleeding in his brain and needed to be operated. 

The Hospital has very strict policy on visitors and persons attending to the needs of patients.  Only one person is allowed for every patient leaving my brother only to the care of his 17-year old daughter while I stayed at the waiting area outside of the hospital compound provided for visitors. 

I was very much worried then and prayed almost nonstop. I remember during the time the operation was being performed on him by the neurosurgeon, I said the rosary as I walked along all four streets surrounding the vast PJG compound. That was past midnight when I could not sleep a wink due to anxiety. 

After the operation, his daughter was asked to stay at the waiting area where I was staying as my brother would be placed at the ICU for three days leaving me even more anxious. 

I brought my novena booklet with me and made a novena to the Sacred Heart for nine consecutive hours. I solemnly prayed that my brother’s operation be successful and to bless and guide the neurosurgeon and other medical personnel attending to my brother. 

Dr. Paulino J. Garcia Memorial Research and Medical Center

WANING ENERGY 

Staying at the waiting area thinking about a loved one placed at the ICU could drain one emotionally as well as physically. But I had to take care of myself, too. As my physical energy was waning and needed replenishment, I went out of the waiting area to have my lunch. 

I found a canteen on Quimson Street in the vicinity of PJG. I ordered my favorite sinigang na bangus and a ripe banana for my dessert. 

When I was done eating and about to pay for what I had ordered, the cashier told me that it had already been paid by the guy who had just left the canteen. 

Greatly astounded, I asked her who that guy was. She said she didn’t know and that she thought he was my companion. 

Lest it later turn out to be some kind of a prank, I insisted on paying. But her two food servers confirmed my order had, indeed, already been paid by that guy they thought was a friend of mine. 

I told them I am not from Cabanatuan and have no known friend in that city. I insisted on paying but they refused to accept my money since my order had already been paid and that that would be alright with them. 

Trying to further convince me, the ladies rationalized that I might have had done similar good thing in the past and that I was then rewarded for my generosity by someone I didn’t know. 

Being a religious person and likewise believing in what they reasoned out, I was convinced. So, I just asked the ladies if they knew the guy and if they had any idea where I could find him so I could at least thank him.  They told me they didn’t know him but that he’s probably in his mid-20s and that he oftentimes takes his lunch at their canteen. They further stated that he works at a computer store beside a tailoring shop just before the highway as they pointed to that direction. 

ACTS OF GENEROSITY 

As the ladies’ words were still ringing in my ears, I tried to reach back. What act of kindness had I done in the past that deserves a reward such as this? 

I am basically a good person and have  remained good despite some cruel people's distorted opinion of myself. There are countless instances that can attest to that. 

Upon request, I tutored many students in our neighborhood and helped many schoolmates of all year levels make their school assignments. When I was already working, I helped many find jobs and lent money to those who needed same not even asking them to pay me back. Not only did I help them find jobs but even offered my place where they could temporarily stay while in a place far away from their homes. 

HOSPITAL RELEASE 

After the very successful operation (Thank God! And thanks to Dr. Charlene Mercado, the Neurosurgeon--we love you, Doc!) and having been confined in the hospital for nearly a month, my brother finally got out of the hospital but scheduled to come back the following month for the follow up checkup and removal of the staples on his scalp. 

We had zero billing. Many thanks to former Congresswoman Josie Manuel-Joson who fortunately called me on my phone the moment we stepped on the hospital ground not knowing we were there. That helped ease the burden of my stress-laden heart. 

Ma’am Josie is a good friend of mine and a former classmate (our valedictorian) in grade school, and whose staff helped facilitate in the processing of my brother’s Philhealth. Many commented that had the operation been done at a private hospital, it would have cost us million pesos. What’s more, the thought of having someone I can turn to on a trying moment like this helped diminish my anxiety. 

FOLLOW UP CHECKUP 

As scheduled, on May 31, we went back to the PJG for my brother’s follow up checkup. There were many patients on the hallway waiting for their respective doctors. 

As we waited for the neurosurgeon, and as if to provide the necessary segue to the mystery I was trying to solve, I happened to sit beside a young guy who likewise was there for the same purpose as mine. To beat boredom, I talked with him. I asked him who the patient he was with. He said it was his aunt whom he accompanied for medical checkup. He said they are from Cabanatuan. 

He asked me from where we are to which I replied from Gapan. 

When he mentioned that he works at a computer store beside a tailoring shop on Quimson Street, I asked him if he’s familiar with the canteen on Quimson Street near the hospital. He said yes and that he oftentimes takes his lunch there. 

I took that opportunity to narrate to him my story and asked him if he has a co-worker who is in his mid-20s and who mistakenly paid for my meal. He said he’s 20 years old but wasn’t the one I was referring to. But he confirmed his co-employees usually take their lunch in the said canteen. He further said that there was only one employee in their store who matches the age of the mystery guy and that he must be 23 years old. 

I requested him to ask that guy if he was the one who paid for my lunch so I could thank him. And I left my number to him. 

A couple of days later, in a phone conversation with him, he told me that he asked his co-employee if he was the right person I was talking about but that his co-employee said he could no longer remember the incident. 

WHAT’S IN A NAME? 

Darniel Piad. That was what the young guy said was the name of the only person working in their computer shop matching the age of the person who paid for my meal. 

The last name sounds familiar. Suddenly, an incident of long ago went to a replay in my head. 

During my teens, as I was taking a bath in the river, I rescued a young lady from drowning. That act of heroism saved someone’s life. The young lady’s name was Nilda Piad. And I was able to document that incident. Please click this link:  AN UNTOLD STORY OF HEROISM. 

Darniel Piad. He has the same surname as Nilda's. And all the letters of Nilda’s first name could be found in the former’s first name. 

It may seem illogical and absurd, but I tried to connect that incident of long ago to what the ladies in the canteen told me—that I “might have had done some acts of goodness in the past and now rewarded for that”. 

Paying for the less-than-a-hundred-peso meal I ordered may be but a trifling thing. But the experience was so full of meaning to me for not only did it replenish my waning physical energy then but, more importantly, it nourished my spirit. 

But, so as to spare myself from having some kind of intrusive thoughts and thinking too much about an incident that raised questions providing no answer, I meditated on the words our Theology teacher had taught and imparted with us. 

She said, there are times that we have to see things with the eyes of faith. Or words to that effect. And that we have to reflect and ask ourselves what it is that the Lord wants to convey to us; what He is telling us by way of incidents coming our way. 

Yes, for things that offer no explanation, we just have to see them with the eyes of faith. God works in mysterious ways! 

There are biblical passages that will complement what our teacher had taught us. 

Matthew 25:35-36 states, “…I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me into your house. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you went to see me.” 

In Matthew 25:40, the Lord also said, “…Truly, I say to you: whenever you did this to one of the least, to my brothers, you did this to me.”  

We do not see God. But we feel Him. 

We feel Him in life situations and occurrences that inspire us... inspire us to do good. 

We “see” Him in life situations and occurrences that further strengthen our faith. We see Him through the eyes of Faith. 

PARANORMAL PHENOMENA

There are occurrences in our lives that are inexplicable and very difficult to comprehend. They not only make us wonder why but they even seem to (or really) debunk some scientific theories that we learned in school. 

I have my share of the inexplicable. I did not know if I was possessed then or there was a problem with my nervous system. Or both. I turned to Religion for an answer but I was very much confused and afraid. In fact, for quite some time, my faith in God was shaken. 

I sought professional help but the psychiatrist just prescribed a number of tranquilizers which I used not for a day nor week nor month but for years. And before I knew it, I was heavily dependent on them. In fact, I couldn't do without them. 

I experienced sleepless nights and there was even a time when I was wide awake for days. I was psychosomatic, I thought I was sick. I thought I was losing my head... I thought it was the end of me. 

In my next blog posts, I will share with you some of my  supernatural experiences. However weird, I hope you'll enjoy reading them.