THE DARKEST HOUR IS JUST BEFORE DAWN

Dawn

(Photo courtesy of J. Tria)

In an attempt to cheer up and brighten the day of a friend who was feeling depressed, I sent her some inspiring words and at the end of my short message wrote, "...the darkest hour is just before dawn."

She quickly responded and asked me to explain what that meant.

During one of the bleakest periods in my life when I felt so all alone, hopeless and helpless and had to exert a real effort to carry on, I made a poster with uplifting words "...the darkest hour is just before dawn" which I excerpted from a song of the American folk-rock vocal group, The Mamas and the Papas.

I hung the poster on a conspicuous place in my room that will serve as reminder to me that sooner or later, things will change and get better. That kept me in perspective and gave me hope to carry on.

Okay, let's explain what that means. 

"...The darkest hour is just before dawn."

First, what is dawn?

The dictionary defines dawn as, "the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise." 

What is dawn in Tagalog?

"Madaling araw. Or bukang liwayway."

Iyon yung nagsisimulang lumiwanag ang kalangitan pagkatapos ng napakadilim na hatinggabi. 

Take note, maliwanag kapag umaga. Sa katanghaliang tapat ang pinakamaliwanag sapagkat dito pinakamatindi ang sikat ng araw. Sa hapon, unti-unting nagpe-fade ang liwanag, lalo na sa dapit-hapon o takipsilim (twilight or dusk), hanggang gumabi kung saan dumilim na at wala nang liwanag. At habang paggabi nang paggabi, lalong nagiging pusikit (matingkad na dilim, napakadilim) ang kadiliman. At ang pinakamatingkad na kadiliman ay hatinggabi or midnight. That is the darkest hour. 

Now, ano ang susunod sa hatinggabi? May mas didilim pa ba sa midnight e yun na nga ang darkest?

Technically, after the darkest hour, magliliwanag nang muli. That is what we call dawn.

And the dawn naturally comes just after the darkest part of night.

Yes, the darkest hour is just before dawn. 

Let's find a parallel in life. 

Darkest hour implies negativity. Ito yung mga matinding pains, sufferings, hopelessness. This is a life situation where not only are you being oppressed and harasssed kundi maaaring may mga physical affictions din and, worse, spiritually low. Kadalasan, during trying times like this, it's hard to find someone with whom you can unburden yourself emotionally... when it's difficult to see things in the right perspective. It is the time where your faith in God is shaken and when you even blasphemously question if there really is God. If He really exists.

But dawn implies the reverse of that. Positive ito. It signifies hope. The dawn is an end to miseries and sufferings as it indicates change - a change for the better. 

Take this. When I had my nervous breakdown as a consequence of a series of traumatic events in my life, I sought professional help. I thought then that seeing a psychiatrist would instantly cure me. But I was mistaken. I started seeing my doctor March of 1980. During that difficult time, 24/7 akong nagdurusa, pain was all over me. Seven days a week. 

Isang taon na, ganoon pa rin ang aking situation.

Dalawang taon na, walang pagbabago. 

Tatlong taon na nagdurusa pa rin ako. At nalimutan ko na kung ano ba ang maginhawang pakiramdam. Hindi ko na matandaan. Of course, napag-aaralan ko naman ang possible reasons what brought me to my sorry state. I was feeling so hopeless that I felt I didn't want to live anymore. The trouble is I was afraid to die. I have no suicidal tendency. Despite emotional turmoil and mental torment, however, it was really a great wonder how I could still decide rationally. Mabait pa rin ako. Napakamapagtiis. And very prayerful. I held on to my faith. 

And on the fourth year of my agony, that was 1984, which seemed to be the darkest, God took me by the hand and rescued me. Basta na lang ako nagulat, nalimutan ko na pala ang pag-inom ng mga tranquilizers ko - five all in all.

When I consulted with my psychiatrist again, tuwang-tuwa siya. That meant pala, magaling na ako. I was almost euphoric. And I had tears of joy.

Nagliwanag muli ang aking araw. After four long and agonizing years, noon lamang ako muling nakadama ng magandang pakiramdam. Hindi ko inakalang makakaranas pa akong muli ng ginhawa ng pakiramdam. 

Kahit hirap na hirap na ako noon, patuloy akong gumawa ng kabutihan. Ang house and lot namin na lubhang napakabigat na obligasyon na iniatang sa aking balikat ay naipundar ko at the height of my severe emotional turmoil and mental torment.

Dawn signifies hope. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, let us not lose hope. Nothing is permanent. Things will get better. 

Or take the case of the pandemic. Hindi ba't everyone was feeling insecure, depressed and hopeless? Everyone was anxious and afraid especially when no cure had been found yet. But God saw the sufferings of His people. And He drove away the dark clouds that veiled the night. Then a cure for covid was eventually discovered. At lumiwanag muli ang dilim ng gabi.

Ganun. 

When you find yourself in a hopeless situation and you feel as though your world is coming to an end, hang on! It might as well be "just a bend... not the end". 

If it's the end, it might as well be the end of your miseries and sufferings. You are in the darkest of hours. And the dawn is coming! Rejoice!

PARANORMAL PHENOMENA

There are occurrences in our lives that are inexplicable and very difficult to comprehend. They not only make us wonder why but they even seem to (or really) debunk some scientific theories that we learned in school. 

I have my share of the inexplicable. I did not know if I was possessed then or there was a problem with my nervous system. Or both. I turned to Religion for an answer but I was very much confused and afraid. In fact, for quite some time, my faith in God was shaken. 

I sought professional help but the psychiatrist just prescribed a number of tranquilizers which I used not for a day nor week nor month but for years. And before I knew it, I was heavily dependent on them. In fact, I couldn't do without them. 

I experienced sleepless nights and there was even a time when I was wide awake for days. I was psychosomatic, I thought I was sick. I thought I was losing my head... I thought it was the end of me. 

In my next blog posts, I will share with you some of my  supernatural experiences. However weird, I hope you'll enjoy reading them. 

HELLO, ATTORNEY!

(Below is a personal letter I sent to someone nice to me.) 

Hello, Attorney!

I remember Friday morning and the memory of our meeting often haunts me.

Siguro, dahil sa medical checkup mo... sa pagpapa-blood chem mo. Kasi, iyan din ang reason why despite Gapan-based na ako ay bumalik ako sa Olongapo. Nagpa-blood chem din ako rito kasi nahilo rin ako and my BP rose to 170/90. E, hindi naman ako high blood!

Since yung unang blood chem resulted sa high blood sugar, nagpunta ako sa Diabetologist. But before he prescribed medicine, he required three more blood chems for confirmation kung diabetic ba ako. Fortunately, hindi. So, hindi siya nag-prescribe ng kahit anong medicine.

I tried to analyze… bakit kaya? Since I had anxietty attack when I was in the province, I attributed the health problem to CHANGES; i.e., change in residence... change in the usual ways of doing things.  I am very much aware naman that change especially when sudden or abrupt and disagreeable can trigger anxiety.

Then I rationalized, "Ah, kaya pala may pre-retirement seminar. Anticipated or expected ang ganitong eksena. Kaya pala the last time I saw my psychiatrist, he asked me how I regard retirement".

So, balik muna ako sa Olongapo. Tuloy muna kung ano'ng naging familiar sa akin in the last 47 years that I had been away from home sweet home.

I have also realized that when one is in his twilight years, life gets more precious. Nothing but LIFE ITSELF becomes the only thing that matters.

Hindi na importante ang material wealth (buti na lang ever since ay strange sa akin ang bagay na 'yan).

Hindi na ang physical and outside beauty and glamour (okay lang din sa akin kasi wala naman ako nun).

Hindi na ang power and position (never ding nagkaroon ako).

Hindi na fame or popularity (lalo namang wala ako).

Kasi, mapasa-akin man ang mga iyon, if I have no life, paano ko mae-enjoy ang mga iyon?

And because life has become more precious now that I am a senior citizen, I am focusing on three major factors that will give me a good chance to live longer:

1. Foods and drinks that I take into my body

2. Activities that I do, and

3. The things that I think about (or my attitude towards people and circumstances).

Ang dami ko nang ini-snub na foods and drinks. I don't eat red meat anymore -- beef, pork (pero chicken, in moderation). I don't drink softdrinks and coffee. And I avoid as much as I can oily, sweet, and salty foods.  At kung anu-ano pang unhealthy and harmful substances. Nakuntento na lang ako sa sinigang, pinangat, bulanglang, paksiw, inihaw, steamed veggies o yun bang ipinatong lang sa nilutong kanin. Ang advice ko sa sarili ko: hindi baleng hindi masarap, basta't malusog! Look! No more gout… no more arthritis... no more rayuma. I mean, matagal nang hindi umaatake. Problema ko lang, itong patis na ito. Ayaw pumirma sa divorce paper.

But what's more amazing --- wala akong maintainance medicine.

Sa activities naman ---- brisk walking early in the morning, some light physical exercises, washing isang tambak na dishes (my stress reliever), and going to market. I also have an "ADOPTING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE PROGRAM" which I hope to successfully carry out.

Sa attitude naman, dati naman na akong pasensiyoso, hindi magagalitin, Through the years, I have gained a high degree of tolerance with regards to dealing with super obnoxious and irrational people. And despite the strings of traumas that adorn my very colorful life, I still believe I have to let go of the past and move on. Yes, let go... and let God.

Also, I am determined to TRULY forgive and forget those who oppressed and harassed me (especially my irrational office superiors) and those who maligned my name. And I have forgiven them. Yun nga lang, isinumpa ko muna sila bago pinatawad.

(Joke lang yung last line, Atty.)

Lastly, thanks for the pleasant memories! I remember you would either email or text me, "Gaudz, admin leave na..." due to the storm. Or, "Gaudz , may vacancy sa..." (Saan nga bang department yun?) Imagine, HR Manager entertaining me!

Anyway, I hope okay ang result ng blood chem mo. O baka naman pregnant ka uli? Ikaw kasi, nag-asawa ka ng a la Yorme Isko. Ka-guapo na, mabait pa! 

Thanks again, Atty! God bless!

Gaudz

25 Nov 2019 

WILLIE REVILLAME AND PRESIDENT CORY'S FUNERAL CORTEGE

(Photo from http://tagpuan.com)

Willie Revillame has been absent from ABS-CBN’s noontime TV program “Wowowee” for a number of days now. He is reportedly on indefinite leave that was a consequence of the controversial statement he made regarding the funeral cortege of our beloved President Corazon Aquino.

President Cory has already been laid to rest. Yet, discussions, both verbally and in print, about that above-mentioned statement still go on. Even my own officemates—especially Annie who is a Cory fan and supporter and Reanne who is Kris Aquino's avid fan—are still talking about it.

I read one news item defending Willie for what he had said and justifying both his words and action. But many were criticizing him.

It will be noted that Wowowee is still being telecast until now. But our dearly beloved Tita Cory’s wake was over. Never will there be another President Cory's funeral cortege subject for a TV coverage.

ON WOWOWEE AND WILLIE REVILLAME

Wowowee is my favorite noontime show. It makes me laugh. It makes me happy. It helps me forget my worries even if only momentarily.

I like the show’s format and I love the “Willie of Fortune” portion most of all. Spontaneous laughter makes me feel real good and deeply moving scenes that touch my heart give me positive feeling.

Of course, I like Willie very much. He’s the principal life of the show (my opinion). Perhaps, he was the major reason why many watch Wowowee.

Willie once commented, “Even doctors (maybe psychiatrists) now prescribe or recommend watching Wowowee to their patients,” or words to that effect. He might be right. And I believed him. For laughter resulting from funny scenes as well as spontaneous positive emotion resulting from touching scenes that abound in his show can be so therapeutic. They’re indeed healthy.

The fact that I am Willie’s kababayan (we are both from Nueva Ecija) made me like his program even more. I support someone who comes from my home province.

ON PRESIDENT CORY'S DEATH

I’ve been very supportive of Madame Cory since I learned or read about her sufferings brought about by her husband Ninoy’s incarceration and assassination. Fate seemed so cruel to Madame Cory. She had been deprived of some of her very essential needs in life.

But emboldened by the death of her husband, Madame Cory fought the Dictator for us. And because she gave us back our freedom, she deserved to be loved.

Even the management of ABS-CBN where Willie Revillame has a noontime show is indebted to Madame Cory for giving back said station to its owners after winning her fight for democracy.

But Madame Cory’s winning ways did not stop with the fall of the Dictator. Installed as President, she served the Filipino people—selflessly and with all honesty and integrity.

When Tita Cory died, we shed tears for her. Everyone especially those who couldn’t make it to her wake patiently and intently watched the coverage of her wake and funeral cortege on television.

In our very own office where a TV set was turned on during the late President’s funeral cortege, my officemates closely monitored the latest on President Cory. In fact, I often heard each one watching the coverage (simultaneously with the noontime show Wowowee) ask, “Where is it now?” referring to the funeral cortege. Obviously, on that particular day, they were more interested with ABS-CBN’s coverage of President Cory than watching Wowowee.

Shifting channel or station—from ABS-CBN to GMA which had its own coverage of the late President's funeral cortege—was a clear indication they deemed it more important to watch the late President’s funeral cortege on that day than Wowowee which they can watch some other time and regularly.

ON THE FOUR HONOR GUARDS

It would be worth mentioning here that the four honor guards assigned to escort the late President’s remains as she headed for her final resting place, standing still for more than nine hours without food and drink, braving the elements, and not even attending to their personal necessities, won the hearts and admiration of the public.

The four honor guards were awarded cash, showered with gifts, and accorded other honors for the services they rendered to a very prominent personality that the Filipinos so dearly loved.

Perhaps, in much the same way, anyone from any television station who gave way to the coverage of a well-loved president's final moments on earth will also win the admiration and love of every Filipino.