Monday, October 26, 2009

PRAYER WHEN AMBIVALENT

Have you ever experienced having ambivalent feelings? That is, you are governed by conflicting emotions—like loving and hating at the same time?

A good situational example is, when a girl just broke up with the boy she has learned to deeply love. The hurt feeling that her erstwhile boyfriend has caused her makes her hate him so much. But remembering the good old days when everything about their relationship was so sweet makes her pine for those happy days when they were still together. However, the wound in her heart is still fresh and whenever anyone or anything that has something to do with it comes into her mind, her good mood can easily be transformed to the negative, thus, hating him again as she feels the pain. Expectedly, the moment good memories come her way again, her fondness for him would reign over her.

I believe all of us experience such conflicting moods and feelings even once in a while. In many cases, though, they may not involve romantic relationship.

I do have my share of those feelings. And they concern my relationship with my loved ones particularly my siblings. Those feelings come to me so often that it seems like I’m engaged in a self-torture game. And this makes me feel really miserable.

In times like this, I try my best to be governed by reason and not to be blinded by my negative feelings. Since most of the time, negative feelings are overpowering, I wrote a prayer that would help me find my way back to reason as I say the prayer. I’d repeat the prayer until I’m back to the right perspective.

I am sharing with you that prayer I composed in the early 90s that has helped me every time I feel ambivalent. This has been posted earlier by my anak-anakan on his blog. I hope you will like it and in some ways help you do away or at least cope with ambivalent feelings.

Prayer When Ambivalent

Lord Jesus Christ, help me not to be impulsive. Help me not to be overwhelmed nor be governed by strong and powerful negative emotions or temporary passions that will soon fade and die down. Make me more patient and tolerant, Lord. Instead of giving in to people’s provocations, help me choose to understand and forgive those who have wronged and hurt me.

Most of all, help me forgive my loved ones, Lord, and understand that these people whom I oftentimes harbor resentment towards with, are the same people whom I love and the reason for my aspirations. Help me understand that harboring any negative feeling against them will be incompatible with loving and caring for them.

And during such times when I have conflicting emotions, help me do away with such ambivalent feelings, Lord. May my ambivalence not stop me from helping, loving, and caring for them.

Amen.

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